Hand in Hand

Too often we hear of men who control their wives and run all parts of their households. And too often we hear of women who overshadow their husbands, belittle them, or take on all the responsibilities of the home in case the husband should mess things up. Marriage is for the man and woman to rely on each other. And this begins with equal partnership.

In marriage, a husband and wife work hand in hand and have equal responsibilities. This doesn't mean they do the same things. Perhaps the husband goes to work and the wife takes care of the home and children while he is gone. This also does not mean their only responsibilities are to work (for men) and the house and children (for women) (or the reverse of this).  There is a balance between work, taking care of the home, children, budgeting, cooking, playing, and planning.

I believe that a man and woman should help each other as much as they can, care for each other, attend to each other's needs, be each others' strengths. There is something so unique and powerful in a marriage. Men and women are given to each other to build each other up, and complete each other.

Part of having an equal partnership is allowing the other to help. How can a wife who wants to have help in the home be satisfied if she does not allow her husband to do the dishes just in case he might break one plate?

I think an important key in a marriage, or a relationship headed towards marriage, is interdependence. This mean leaning on each other for support.This means allowing the other person to help and give aid when you cannot complete things as you are. However, this requires the person in need to let go of pride.

I have a problem with pride sometimes. I find it difficult to ask for help even when I really need it. But I've learned through my life that sometimes I need to lean on another individual and be humble. If not, I would probably fail in a lot of things and be a grouchy person that never has fun.

Another part of interdependence is finding a balance. Sometimes one person might be willing to give and give and give whilst the other person only receives. Think of it as a house of cards. If one card leans too much, the house falls. If the other person gives too much while the other person is being overwhelmed the house falls again.

I believe remembering to act like two cards trying to establish a house would help relationships. It's a good reminder that sometimes we need to give and be unselfish, and sometimes we have to accept help and be humble. In this way, an equal partnership can begin to thrive, and more happiness would be found in marriages.

1. Image: http://peteandpip.com/RSVP.aspx

Pornography

The two most common uses of the internet today are genealogy and pornography. This is both sad and ironic. It'll take a bit of explanation to say why.


Pornography is everywhere, in all types of media; be it television, radio, books, magazines, movies, music, or video games. It has seeped into many places of society and has become pervasive to the point of being welcomed, glamorized, and expected. 


Just the other day I was playing 'Battle of the Sexes' with my boyfriend and he pulled out one of the man cards that gives a funny little instance between a man and wife and how it affects your playing piece. It read, "She found your hidden playboy stash. Go back three spaces". I find several things terribly wrong with this. First, the man in the example is married. What does he need playboys for if he has a wife? Second, the man was looking after, lusting after women other than his wife. And all he gets is a slap on the wrist. 


No. That is not right. Pornography should not be allowed, nor should it be expected, especially not in marriages whether it be with the man or woman.


Porn is highly addictive. Jeffrey Satinover, a psychiatrist and adviser said, "Pornography really does, unlike other addictions, biologically cause direct release of the most perfect addictive substances" (1). It is terrifying to think that it is that much more addictive than hard drugs. Marry Anne Layden, co-director of the Sexual Trauma and Psychopathology Program at the University of Pennsylvania's Center for Cognitive Therapy said, "porn is the most concerning thing to psychological health that I know of existing today" (2).


One of the main ways, as said earlier, of looking at porn is through the internet. Layden said, "The internet is the perfect drug delivery system because you are anonymous, aroused and have role models for these behaviors. To have drug pumped into your house 24/7, free, and children know how to use it better than grown-ups know how to use it--it's a perfect delivery system if we want to have a whole generation of young addicts who will never have the drug out of their mind" (3).    


It also has terrible effects on the perception and relationships. When, just as an example, a man views pornography his view of sex and women is skewed. The women in the material cannot interact with him, nor do they hold emotions; they are objects. However, they are made to be "perfect" and ideal objects. The man's reality of how real women are is disrupted. His expectations of women and sex cannot be met. Rob Jackson, a Licensed Professional Counselor, said, "Once porn is downloaded into our mental hard drive through the portals of the senses, it works like a computer virus, corrupting our thoughts about sexuality. The contaminated files include our thoughts about being male or female, what we believe about our sexuality, how we plan to behave sexually, and whether we have the capacity to remain faithful in marriage" (4). 


In the article "Things They're Saying" in the 1979 New Era, it said, "a person who feasts upon filthy stories or pornographic or erotic pictures and literature records them in this marvelous retrieval system we call a brain. The brain won’t vomit back filth. Once recorded, it will always remain subject to recall, flashing its perverted images across your mind and drawing you away from the wholesome things in life" (5). Not only is pornography addicting and damaging, it never goes away. 


This filth effects future relationships and how people interact. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, "Pornography impairs one’s ability to enjoy a normal emotional, romantic, and spiritual relationship with a person of the opposite sex. It erodes the moral barriers that stand against inappropriate, abnormal, or illegal behavior. As conscience is desensitized, patrons of pornography are led to act out what they have witnessed, regardless of its effects on their life and the lives of others" (6). Mary Anne Laydon also said, "The more pornography women use, the more likely they are to be victims of non-consensual sex. The earlier the male starts using pornography, the more likely they are to be the perpetrator of non-consensual sex" (7). A study by William Marshall showed that 87 percent of convicted molesters of girls and 77 percent of convicted molesters of boys admit to the use of pornography, most often in commission of their crimes (8).  


Finally, pornography destroys the family unit. The man or woman who uses it cannot be satisfied by their spouse. They are no longer faithful in their marriage when they lust after some other person. 


Pornography use is a vicious cycle that is hard to break. It begins with emotions being out of control. Perhaps needs are not being met. Then the person views pornography. Directly afterwards there are feelings of guilt, depression, and shame. Perhaps there is concealment, where the porn or actions taken to view it are hidden. The emotions of guilt and wanting to view the porn are back, so the person turns again to finding it. The cycle spirals on if it is not broken. But it is possible to stop and break away. Acknowledging the problem is a start. You can learn to control your emotions and immerse yourself in wholesome things. By completely removing yourself from porn you distract yourself. Turning to prayer and the Lord are the main steps to take. It is not easy, and the addiction is hard to break, but it can be done.


The reason it was sad and ironic that the two main uses of the internet were genealogy and pornography is clear now. Genealogy is about family, about the people who loved you and your ancestors. It is about uniting the family once again. Pornography destroys the family. It breaks up current and future relationships. It mocks the unity and sanctity of marriage that is ordained by God. It does everything in its power to end the family.   


I will stand against pornography. I cannot support something that depicts men and women in such terrible ways, that makes a mockery of sex and marriage, that acts as a drug to our brains, that takes control of our lives, that destroys our relationships and spirit. 

1, 2, 3: Ryen Singel. 'Internet Porn: Worse Than Crack?'. 11/19/04. http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/news/2004/11/65772

4. Rob Jackson. 'The Effects of Prior Pornography Use on Marriage'. Pure Intimacy. 2011. http://www.pureintimacy.org/piArticles/A000000490.cfm

5. Challenges for the Year Ahead (pamphlet, 1974), 4–5; reprinted in “Things They’re Saying,” New Era, Feb. 1974, 18.


6. Dallin H. Oaks. Pornography. (2005, April).


7. Rachel B. Duke. 'More women lured to pornography addiction'. The Washington Times. June 11, 2011. http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2010/jul/11/more-women-lured-to-pornography-addiction/

8. See William Marshall, “A Report of the Use of Pornography by Sexual Offenders,” 1983, Ottawa, Canada.


9. Image: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:No_sign.png

Of Traditions

There are many traditions in my family. Every Christmas after opening presents we eat a delicious big breakfast of either pancakes or waffles. Also, every Christmas the star on top of our tree is crooked. After boating in the summer we usually get coke slurpees for everyone. In the winter try to do a Secret Santa for someone we know.

But traditions don't have to be formal decisions made by a family and done once a year. When I do laundry I fold my clothes in a certain way because that is how my mom folded clothes. I learned by watching, not an exact education or demonstration. As another example, getting an education is important to me because of what my parents have always said. They read many books and stressed going to school and getting good grades. Because of their example I now am in college earning a degree in English. Gaining an education is important to me, and I want to someday have an intelligent husband. I have certain standards that need to be met. Traditions, in these ways, have played an important part in my life.

So traditions are more than just the way we celebrate holidays or an opening number for a musical. They mold us into who we are and how we act. Traditions are inherited patterns of thoughts, beliefs, or behaviors, and some of these are not always the best. In Strengthening Our Families it says, "When conceived in principles of righteousness, and when performed in a spirit of non coercive participation, a heritage of family customs can serve as the social glue that holds families together, ushers family members through difficult life passages, and weaves loving ties of eternal duration" (1). Good traditions then uplift a family and the generations to come. Elder Richard G. Scott said, "Where traditions and customs are in harmony with His teachings, they should be cherished and followed to preserve your culture and heritage" (2).

However, negative ones such as abuse, laziness, or bad habits can bring down generations from just one person's choice. For example "males who witnessed severe marital abuses between their parents were nearly ten times more likely to abuse their spouses than those who had not witnessed such abuse" (3). Children will sometimes mimic the way their parents have acted. "Children of abusive parents may imitate abusive modes of interaction that they witnessed in their homes if they are not taught to use more appropriate, non-abusive ways to express emotion or resolve disagreements" (4). I once had a friend whose parents would just walk off from each other and stop talking if there was a disagreement. When we would interact he would do the same thing to me and mimic the way his parents acted when we argued. He had gained a pattern of action from his parents, though it was a negative tradition that affected him.

Even religions and other sources can pass on patterns of behaviors. In the LDS church, it is a tradition to hold families in high honor and importance. We base our lives around our families; the career, school, life choices, all center on this focal point. We believe we should treat each other kindly, with sympathy, and to serve one another. I believe that many religions have similar views, where loving on another and serving is extolled. The Dalai Lama said, "All major religious traditions carry basically the same message, that is love, compassion, and forgiveness the important thing is they should be part of our daily lives".

How do we preserve our traditions? Some of them may be passed down by example, from each generation to the next. But one of the best ways is to keep a journal. Elder L. Tom Perry said, "If we will build righteous traditions in our families, the light of the gospel can grow ever brighter in the lives of our children from generation to generation.... Our family activities and tradition can be a beacon to the rest of the world as an example of how we should live to merit His choice blessings and live in peace and harmony" (5). If we pass down our traditions and the good that happened in our lives in the written form, most likely this record will not be lost. The record will benefit generations to come.

I'm not the best at journal keeping. But after reading and learning about keeping traditions I'm making it a goal to keep a much better record of what happens in my life. I want to write down the insights I have, the little miracles, the hardships, and the blessings so that maybe my children or grandchildren can benefit from my example (though I may not be the best one).

1. Dollahite. Strengthening Our Families: An In-Depth Look at the Proclamation on the Family. Brigham Young Universities, 2000). Pg. 314.

2. Richard G. Scott (1998, May), Removing barriers to happiness, Ensign, 28(5), 85-87.

3. Straus, Gelles, Steinmetz et al. (1980)

4. Dollahite. Strengthening Our Families: An In-Depth Look at the Proclamation on the Family. Brigham Young Universities, 2000). Pg. 255).

5. L. Tom Perry (1990, May), Family traditions, Ensign, 20(5), 19-20.

6. Image: http://notesfromtheintern.wordpress.com/2010/12/08/late-night-calls-bloggin-addiction-and-bad-cinema/

Of Abuse

Sometimes terrible things happen in the family: divorce, death, loss, destruction of a home. I would like to talk specifically on abuse.

It was interesting to go to my Family class and discuss abuse in the family. It is a difficult subject to breach because, to be honest, it is sort of icky and sometimes the truth of a situation is sobering and hard to hear. For me, I feel deep sorrow in cases of abuse. I want to be respectful and reverent whilst talking on this subject.

Abuse comes in many form--physical, mental, emotional, and sexual. Most often they can be clumped together in the category of neglect. Neglect, and all forms of abuse affect a person in so many ways: physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

This past January until April I worked for Walt Disney World as an attractions Cast Member. Since I was in Fantasyland I cam in contact with so many children each day. And I saw countless instances of children being abused by parents. Kids, wives, husbands; it did not matter what age or gender--I saw many cases of abuse. It was one of the saddest sights I've ever seen.

It confuses me that anybody would want to hurt a loved one, especially a family member. In Strengthening Our Families it says, "The family is ordained of God as the indispensable human community whose primary objective is to assist us in achieving our eternal destiny, which is to live again with our heavenly parents. To that end, each of us has a responsibility to nurture other family members and to foster their eternal growth" (1). However, this is where the most violence is. "The group [family] to which most people look for love and gentleness is also the most violent civilian group in our society" (2).

However, at the same time it does not confuse me that abuse is so pervasive in society. I work in a call center and people can be as mean as sin. And if they are that mean to a total stranger, how do they act in their own homes? I know this may be a bad example since it is telemarketing and nobody likes telemarketers, but that does not excuse screaming or swearing at someone over the phone.

Abuse, in any form, is terrible because it belittles another individual. It ruins their self-confidence, makes them feel invaluable, and diminishes their sense of divinity. President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "You cannot abuse your little ones without offending God.... Any man who beats or in other ways abuses his children will be held accountable before the great judge of us all" (3).

The family is where you grow, learn, develop, build relationships, and learn how to interact wish others. You learn how to become a father or mother and raise children and take care of households. When there is abuse the healthy education is not created. As the abused children grow older, in many cases, the abuse is continued and passed on to their children. It is a vicious cycle that will not stop until a family member stands up to it and says it is not right.

The main thing to understand is that we are children of God. We are literal sons and daughters of deity, and we have infinite worth. As such, we need to remember that we have divine roles and purposes. In Doctrine and Covenants 18:10 it says, "Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God;". If we do remember this, that we are of infinite worth, we can treat each other likewise. Let us put the golden rule into effect.

As a final word, I want to quote from Strengthening Our Families again. "We must be on guard to keep our attitudes and actions from escalating into abuse. we must also be prepared to help ourselves, our families, and other take appropriate steps to end abuse when it occurs in our relationships. Understanding and acknowledging the effects of abuse, when it has occurred, is the beginning of restoring spiritual wholeness and healthy family relationships" (4).

1. Dollahite. Strengthening Our Families: An In-Depth Look at the Proclamation on the Family. Brigham Young University, 2000. Pg. 253.

2. M. A. Straus, R. J. Gelles, and S. K. Steinmetz (1980), Behind closed doors: Violence in the American family (Garden City, NY: Anchor), 80.

3. Gordon B. Hinckley (1985), May, To please our Heavenly Father, in Conference report, 50.

4. Dollahite. Strengthening Our Families: An In-Depth Look at the Proclamation on the Family. Brigham Young University, 2000. Pg. 254.

5. Image: http://dumbdumbwaiting.blogspot.com/2010/11/i-am-talkin-to-shawn-while-posting-this.html

Family Fun

Hiking is one of my favorite things to do now. I'm not much into big, strenuous hikes up mountain sides (I'll leave that to my sister). But I love semi-challenging walks through forests in the mountains. On my last hike I enjoyed the beautiful outdoors, saw two moose, exercised, and spent time with and had deep discussion with my boyfriend. Overall, it was an amazing day that I would love to repeat. And this hike was some good old wholesome recreation.

But what is wholesome recreation? It is where you are active, doings things with your family or friends, and having a goal in mind while building your spirit and happiness. It can even be something restful liking reading a book, which exercises the mind and develops the imagination. Aristotle once said that happiness, or the good life, is living and acting well; it is the habit of virtuous actions. Happiness comes from thoughtfully choosing the right way to live (1). But wholesome recreation is not only pleasurable. It is meaningful and works toward a goal that benefits more than yourself. "It has been suggested that the glorification of the self, high-lighted by excessive materialism and abundant leisure opportunities, has created unrealistic expectations for personal happiness" (6) However, "Research has shown that happiness is not derived from pleasurable activities themselves; it is a by-product of more meaningful activities, such as service or working toward a goal or purpose larger than one's self" (7).

There are some things that I have started to cut out of my life and replace with uplifting activities. Example: Television. I don't see anything wrong with sitting down and watching a show or movie together. (I love some shows like Castle and Mythbusters) However, spending hours in front of the television is a waste of time. "Excessive television viewing has been blamed for decreased physical health, increased violence among children, and diminished interests in other wholesome pursuits" (2). Television stops creative thought and resorts to five to ten minute blips of action to keep people entertained. It especially makes me sad when parents sit their young children down in front of the television and think they are interacting with their family. The American Academy of Pediatrics said, "It may be tempting to use television, movies, and video games to keep your child busy, but your child need to spend as much time growing and learning as possible. Playing reading, and spending time with friends and family are much healthier than sitting in front of a TV screen." (3)  They also do not recommend television for children age two or younger (4). I actually have a goal to not have cable in my home for the benefit of my children.

But there is time for both recreation and leisure. Too much of either overbalances you. I take plenty of naps in college (or else I would not be able to physically keep up with everything). But sleeping all day would affect me, my school, my relationships, and emotional state negatively. When you are active, whether it be hiking or playing racquetball, you are much less likely to be sad. Exercise a great example of wholesome activity that improves your mood plays positively into your lifestyle. "Improved self-esteem is a key benefit of regular physical activity" (5).

So with all the benefits of wholesome recreation to yourself, how does it benefit the family or marriage? In Strengthening Our Families it says, "Couples who take time for recreation renew their marriages. Parents who provide opportunities for wholesome recreational activity lay a foundation on which their children can build virtuous, happy lives. [It] also creates loving memories that lay the foundation for eternal relationships" (8). when you work or play together, you find a common likeness, enjoy time together, improve your mental, physical and emotion health, and have a goal you work towards.

So here are some ideas of wholesome recreational activities to do as a family, or with friends: Camping, fishing, Christmas caroling, Hiking, Stargazing, Fixing a car, playgrounds, museums or zoos, board games, building birdhouses, picnics, carving pumpkins, corn mazes, cleaning the house, snowshoeing, boating, crawdad fishing, climbing a mountain, biking, swimming, exploring a city, making a dinner, and serving others.

1. Aristotle (1982), Aristotle: Selected works, trans. H. G. Apostle and L. P. Gerson (Grinnell, IA: Peripatetic).

2. Robinson and Godbey (1997); J. Garbarino (1999), Lost boys: Why our sons turn violent and how we can save them (New York: Free Press).

3. Pediatrics (1999, August), 104(2), 341-343.

4. Pediatrics (1999).

5. Exercise and Depression, (http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/exercise-depression)

6. M. Seligman (1991), Learned optimism (New York: Knopf)

7. Dollahite. Strengthening Our Families: An In-Depth Look at the Proclamation on the Family. Brigham Young University, 2000. Pg. 194.

8. Dollahite. Strengthening Our Families: An In-Depth Look at the Proclamation on the Family. Brigham Young University, 2000. Pg. 190.

Whistle While You Work

When you hear the word work, what comes to mind? Happy, joyful people whistling in utter glee as they toil and labor? Or a host of grumbling individuals sweating and covered in dirt, watching the clocks tick by slowly until their time is done? I think the second situation might be the most popular. But work is not a bad thing or something to be dreaded. Rather, it is good to be involved in work, especially family work.

Working with your family creates cherished memories. One summer my family attacked a circle of weeds and trees in the roundabout in our driveway. Our house had been unoccupied for about ten years or so, so it was overgrown and chaotic; and my mom wanted the mess gone. IT took about three days, five people, and lots of sweat to remove the overgrown bushes, grass, odd alien flowers, and drying trees. But it was one of my favorite memories of working together. I had fantastic conversations with my mom and exercised and in the end we made our ugly roundabout into something beautiful.

I think working together as a family helps build the relationships you have with every family member. I have shoveled snow with my siblings, and working on my car with my dad, and cooked with my mom. And everything has left wonderful memories that I will remember all my life. I honestly could not tell you what we had for Thanksgiving dinner last year (partly because we made so much), but I do remember the fun I had cooking and baking with my whole family.

I have also learned valuable skills that I will use throughout my whole life. Baking, cleaning, gardening, organizing, taking care of a family; these are important life skills that have prepared me for the future. And I am so thankful for those times working with my family.

So what does work do? It creates wonderful memories, develops life skills, makes you appreciate a job well done, gets you to exercise, bonds you with your family, and makes you an active person. When working for others or in a family it "produces benefits ranging from sound work habits to the development of a sense of helping others, responsibility for the welfare of others, belief in oneself as a helpful person, a sense of agency or personal efficacy and an appreciation of the needs and feelings of others" (Grusec et al. (1996), 999.) I would perhaps argue that the best benefit of working together is that you grow closer to your family. "Family work links people. It does so by providing endless opportunities to recognize and fill the needs of others" (1).

If more people knew all these benefits of work and how it helps families, I bet (or I hope) many would stop hiring a nanny, and instead join with their families to take on the cluttered house.

1. Dollahite, Strengthening Our Families: An In-Depth Look at the Proclamation on the Family. Brigham Young University. 2000. Pg. 178.

2. Image: http://christmascorgi.blogspot.com/2008/05/where-are-my-sewing-mice-and-sweeping.html  Disney owns all rights to Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

The Home

What goes inside a home? (Besides food and people) Decorations of course! Decorations in the home is a different topic to handle. I know it may not sound important, but it actually plays a crucial role in our lives at home.

In our homes we can have many forms of decoration. In my apartment right now I have pictures of my family and temple and friends on the walls, books on the shelves, and my badge from Walt Disney World hanging by my desk. I've surrounded myself with things that uplift me and bring a good, whole, and productive spirit to my room. If I did not have these things the room would seem bare and empty. If I instead hung up posters of death metal bands and people roasting puppies the room would have a completely different spirit. For one, it would be scary, and two, I would not want to be in my room. Ever. 

The purpose of uplifting decorations is to reinforce the sanctity of a home. A home can be anywhere: a house, an apartment away from the family, even a hotel room. It is what you put into a house or room that makes it a sacred home. There are many ways to make it sacred, and here are a few that I would like to implement in my apartment now and future homes.

An important factor is keeping the home clean. This is something I struggle with sometimes (I'm getting better, I swear), but it is important for not only yourself, but also your family. My mom once put on my closet door a special quote: "Sloppy ways lead to sloppy lives" (Gordon B. Hinckley). And this is a true principle. When we ignore the need of our homes in front of us we could then ignore the needs of others. We become disorganized which does not lead to an uplifting spirit. I don't believe you can feel good about yourself while stepping over piles of clothes and books and other oddities strewn around your room. Also, when the home is not kept clean your family feels a difference. There is less organization and a sort of irreverent atmosphere. I know it's not possible to keep things completely spotless all the time, but I would like to set a goal of keeping things neat and organized as much as I can.

Next, a home requires a setting where the family is made safe. Safety can be everything from having good locks on the doors and being prepared if there is a fire. I know I feel safer at night when the doors are closed and I know nothing can come in to hurt me. Included in this is making sure to select a good home from the start. As the primary song goes, "The wise man built his house upon a rock". Another key in safety is maintaining peace and respect within a home. If there is abuse or unkind words the spirit of the home is destroyed and family members live in fear.

Even how the home is organized can change the spirit within. The family is the center, therefore the placement of the furniture and decoration should center on the family. Arranging the couches so that family members can face each other and not the television is a start. Hanging pictures of family members on the walls can help also. I love how my mom always decorated the house with family portraits, senior pictures, and beautiful paintings. That is something I want to do in my own home one day.

Finally, love is the most important thing in a home. Speaking kindly, helping siblings, serving parents, showing love and appreciation for your spouse; all of these things help keep a sweet, uplifting spirit and enrich the sanctity of a home. President McKay said, "Homes are made permanent through love. It is not home without love." (1976)

A home is where the family learns and grows and develops mentally, emotionally, and spiritually; and it is where the family begins. Elder Russell M. Nelson said, "The home is the great laboratory of love. There the raw chemicals of selfishness and greed are melded in the crucible of cooperation to yield compassionate concern and love one for another" (1). The home is also the closest place to a temple. Temples are where sacred covenants are made, with one point of focus being on the family. It is where a worthy member may be married and sealed to their spouse for time and all eternity, meaning they will be husband and wife even after they die. On Temples in the Bible Dictionary it says, "A temple is literally a house of the Lord, a holy sanctuary... A place where the Lord may come, it is the most holy of any place of worship on the earth. Only the home can compare with the temple in sacredness" (King James Bible, 780-781). Since homes are second in sanctity it is important that they are kept and maintained as such.

1. Russell M. Nelson (1999, May), Our sacred duty to honor women, Ensign, 29(5), 40.

In Defense of Marriage

A big issue in the world today is marriage. It is a belief that perhaps the entire concept of monogamy is outdated and no longer counts for our society.

But it is my belief, and the church's, that marriage between a man and a woman is one of the most important principles for everyone. Some might argue that there are no benefits to marriage, and that cohabitation is a much better choice financially and emotionally. But marriage has the greater benefits.

In marriage, couples are able to connect in different ways, including emotionally, mentally, physically, and with their values. There is complete devotion to each other in this union and you are able to share your deepest feelings and emotions with each other. In addition, married couples are happier. "No part of the unmarried population--separated, divorced, widowed, or never married--describes itself as being so happy and contented with life as the married" (Coombs, 100 ((1991)). Meanwhile, cohabitating couples do not share this same benefit. "Cohabitating couples experience greater conflict, lower quality of relationships, lower stability, and lower equality for the women involved" (1).

Married people also live longer. A few different reasons contribute to this. For one, when you are married you make less risky decisions. Next, you eat healthier and more frequently. I know there have been so many times in college that I have lived on ramen and mac n' cheese. But when I one day get married I am going to be making delicious healthy food for me and my husband. I wouldn't want him to live on spam and rice. (Hopefully I'll be able to afford a healthier version of spam).

There are many financial benefits to marriage too! Parents get tax exemptions for not only being married, but also for every child they have. People also pay less for things like insurance and rent because they are now combining both paychecks for one payment. Also, "Married couples are wealthier and spend less than divorced, never married, and widowed households" (2).

And finally, married couples experience greater sexual fulfillment. The media today presents the idea that people have the greatest sex in infidelity or without control. However, this is far from the truth. Research from The National Health and Social Life Survey and the Journal of the American Medical Association found that the "faithfully married people report being well-satisfied with their sex lives, more so than any other category of sexually active people". Also, "married men and women are least likely to lack interest in sex or to consider it unpleasurable and are least likely to associate sex with feelings of fear, anxiety or guilt" (3).

There are countless benefits of marriage, from finances to health to happiness. And I believe it truly is one of the most important decisions and steps one can take in their lives.

1. Dollahite, Strengthening Our Families: An In-Depth Look at the Proclamation on the Family. Brigham Young University. 2000. pg. 20.

2. Dollahite, Strengthening Our Families: An In-Depth Look at the Proclamation on the Family. Brigham Young University. 2000. pg. 19.

3. Michael et al. (1994); E. O. Laumann, A Paik, and R. C. Rosen (1999), Sexual dysfunction in the United States; Prevalence and predictors, Journal of the American Medical Association, 281, 537-544

4. Image: http://www.freedating411.com/marriage/christian-marriage-problems-with-procrastination.html

To date? Or not to date?

The entire family process begins long before you say "I do". It begins with the act of.... dating. Many, many, many people are interested in and active in this stage of their lives. Sadly, it has become a common trend to do it incorrectly.

There are several important keys to a date. First, it is planned. All too often girls and boys meet up for their lovely evening together, and spend it looking at each other awkwardly saying, "What do you wanna do? I dunno, what do you wanna do?". But this does not mean the date has to be some lavish event with hours and hours of preparation beforehand either. I remember boys in high school asking out girls for prom by decorating car, rooms, and just about everything else. That was the expectation placed on them, and in return the girls were suppose to answer in an equally elaborate way. I did not find this out until after I had already accepted a date, and learned that a simple answer by phone was disappointing and not expected.

To plan a date means to make it known when you shall meet and how, what you are doing, how you should dress, and when you will return home. There should even be a Plan B prepared in case something goes wrong with the original date. By planning correctly, you show the other person that you are prepared and can be relied on.

The next step in a date is that it is Paid For. This does not mean the date has to cost any money. A date can be as simple as going for a walk in the park or throwing around a frisbee and trying desperately not to be smacked in the face with it. But if the date does cost anything I believe the person who did the asking should pay.

Lastly, during the date you should be Paired Off. Group dates are wonderful things, however the focus should be on your date.

So why is dating so important in the world today? For one thing, in dating you create relationships with other people. You develop commitment, communication, your ability to interact, and (if something goes wrong) the ability to change and be okay with changing. With different dates with the same person you get to see each other from different circumstances. And this is highly important if you are in the stage of you life where you are looking for a spouse. You want someone that won't buckle under pressure, that upholds morals and standards, that can be responsible and provide and be attentive.

So, since this was a post about dating, here are some ideas for dates that I have come up with: Walks, mini-gold, hiking, picnics, playing with sidewalk chalk, making each other ice cream sundaes, museums, concerts, racquetball, tandem bicycling, frisbee, country western dancing, water balloon games, skittle bowling, and picture tag.

1. Image: http://throwthestarfishback.blogspot.com/