Smoogey Woogey, Will You Please?

Communication in marriage is important. However, effective communication in marriage is even better. It’s not enough just to say things. What really matters is how we interpret what is said, our tone, and our body language. 

Men and women communicate very differently. My husband and I sometimes completely miss the other’s messages. For example, I’ll say “Oh, it’s really cold in here”. My husband says, “Okay”. And that’s all that happens. And it’s not that he’s doing something wrong or I’m doing something wrong. We’re just not getting the message across. When I say I’m cold I mean “Dearest honey bunches of oats, could you grab me a blanket please and sit closer to me?” He hears “It’s cold in here”. 

After this lesson I realized that we just weren’t getting our points across. I understand now that in order to communicate effectively I have to be very blatant, but kind. Women speak very kindly. We give hints and suggestions because we think it’s much more polite than asking for something specifically. However, I have had to change. Now I say, “Smoogey woogey, will you please grab me a blanket and sit close to me?” And he says, “Sure thing” and nicely grabs me a blanket. Simple. 

There are other things that I have gotten rid of in our conversations. Before I got married I promised myself I would never be sarcastic to my husband. And I am so glad I did. Sarcasm can be fun. Jonathan Swift used it beautifully in his writing (satire also.) However, it really has no place in marriage. It can be interpreted so horribly. People can take great offence at it, and rightly so when they don’t know your meaning. Do you mean to be serious? Do you mean to joke? Do you mean to be mean? Underneath the original sarcastic message is a hint of truth and derision. That was the point of sarcasm with famous old writers like Swift and Post. I don’t want to use that sort of language with my husband. Why would I be a jerk to my best friend all for the sake of a laugh? There is an apostle or prophet (can’t remember who) that said to speak with the tongues of angels. And that’s what I want to do.